there are spots that are conducive for work and there are spots that are impossible for one to hold even the simplest of thoughts for a second.

i work in the latter.

to manage anything takes the either an ignorance or a willpower that is beyond comprehension.

no part of my life has been allowed to rest easy for more than a few moments at a time. whether interrupted by actual tragedy or the learned behavior of waiting for the other shoe to drop anxiety is ready to come in at any time to destroy those times and ruin them forever.

since childhood i’ve been closely watched by it and kept under its thumb. from terrible sickness, death, loneliness, etc. i am forced to believe that there is no other kind of life for me but one of constant unease and motion.

where am i in location to everything else