it’s late, can’t sleep regardless of how much sleeping dope i take. it’s tedious and absurd. chewed through 2 packs of gum. blood sugar low - didn’t want to consume more calories but the choice between calories or the implications of low blood sugar make for easy decisions.

new hard drive for photo work/video work on aurora. wonder what the point is. haven’t painted in a while - why have more paintings sit molding in the basement?

i’m rewriting everything.

so much of life is the entry of data into a system. input -> black box -> output

i wonder what some of the bizarre struggles are even for. is it just to punch at something and in doing so find the purpose that exists only in punching?

idealism is best reserved for chewing gum and horse races.

i vaguely remember a time before this time where i wasn’t tracked everywhere i go. where i wouldn’t immediately receive coupons in the mail for the exact items that i purchased from the store a few days before. where i wouldn’t be asked to check-in, rate my experience, log my calories, track my steps, share my interests, buy this product, transform my life, watch this ad, etc. etc. etc.

search results are more useless now than the early days of the internet.

at night i can hear the cars on the highway with a clarity that is impossible during the day.

it’s like that with most signals though and it’s the main reason i can’t stand it.

as a child i would lie awake for hours and stare into the darkness of my room wondering if i was dead, if my family was dead, how my grandparents were doing and, almost more important than all of that, how many more hours until day and we had to repeat this whole cycle.