without a doubt i can always count on a period of exhaustion immediately after a period of decent progress. if not checked the end result is an undoing of all gains that were made.

and in these two states lies my dueling beliefs on art/computing/everything

(progress and purpose) vs (absurdity and despair)

regardless, in the above diagram the functions for action while in the midst of the depressed state are those of mindlessness. not in any pseudo-religious sense but rather the mindlessness of routine tasks.

Aphorisms on Systems

• everything is a system and all systems must be maintained.
• equilibrium is the true chaos
• a closed system is a system that hasn’t discovered it’s exit
• the absurd is the true purpose of a loop
• every person’s true purpose is to create, maintain, change or destroy a system
• systems are all known/unknown aspects of life and the universe
• the more foolish and inefficient a system is–the more dominant it becomes.
• the most foolish system is the one that insists it can escape all others
• Do Easy, as proposed by William Burroughs, exemplifies the traits of the best systems
• there are no hidden or overarching systems. just endless combinations of systems taped together
• at best, knowledge of a system(s) can allow for their manipulation which is, of course, just another system.
• any system that is able to dominate and control another system is itself able to be controlled.
• there is no system that believes that it can be controlled by another system(s).

if we are to learn anything it’s that we’re too late.

i dreamt the other night about the 90s before the media took over our lives. when there was no ability to connect to each other during certain moments of time.

• freedom must be paramount
• a silent wire is a happy wire
• archives exist to be raided and propagated.
• gatekeepers are the true evil
• there’s no end to what they have on you
• your phone doesn’t need to know everything about you
• nothing makes sense, especially the above list
• absurdity is the greatest truth
• more people will hate you than will love you

around 9pm i caught a scent that took me back to those sunday nights when i was a kid.

fresh, spring, night, slightly damp, chilly, some plants, freshly aired house, etc. it was the smell of a weekend that was now over and another week of school was to begin.

in terms of production i’ve been terribly off the rails with the last painting being finished about a month and a half ago.

at night i can hear the cars on the highway with a clarity that is impossible during the day.

it’s like that with most signals though and it’s the main reason i can’t stand it.

as a child i would lie awake for hours and stare into the darkness of my room wondering if i was dead, if my family was dead, how my grandparents were doing and, almost more important than all of that, how many more hours until day and we had to repeat this whole cycle.