i am embroiled in vain struggles with my computers. i have no reason to cause as many problems as i do but…here i am.

mostly i’m tired from chopping down trees this weekend.

there i am – easter 1986. the easter bunny had been generous with a new transformer.

i am also wearing pajamas that are advertising for Centurions: Power Xtreme – a cartoon that existed from april to december of the same year.

i don’t remember that cartoon anymore than i remember the boy in the photo.

i’m very pale because i was often sick and spent the majority of my time indoors and should, roughly, be in first grade which marked a significant beginning of the end in terms of who i was.

i often forget who i am and run off on empty quests because i dream myself into another person’s life.

but when hard pressed i couldn’t easily explain myself or know myself any better than the mythical strangers that i wear as masks.

i ponder nothing anymore since my experiences have been shrunk to a certain small square footage that i occupy for more than 18 hours per day.

i find a hypnotic peacefulness in the blinking of a cursor.

which, i believe, is why my mind draws a blank when it comes time to put something down in the old text processor.

but even now, i resumed writing this (from the above)

because i’m in awe of the fact that we, contemporary people, settle in to no permanent home online. but instead choose to scatter versions of ourselves around indiscriminately.

i’m diving into a project or, rather, a life. being dogged by meaninglessness one can do one of two things: succumb or resist.

• resistance, at best, is absurd
• it is better than giving in.
• the tension of futility must be accepted as normal
• are there other options?